It’s always a good feeling when your hard work pays off. I just this week got my grades from UWI for my classes last summer (let us not try to figure out how or why I am just getting them some 5 months after the end of the last exam period). We will just leave it at I did very well.

Seems a lot of people around me using this whole end-of-year-into-brand-new-year time to revisit and repair broken relationships. Emails out of the blue, peaceful conversations where once there was silence or arguing. Perhaps it is just your standard resolution fever? Maybe out of desire for growth? A bit of “housecleaning“? Maybe it’s just time? Curiouser and curiouser.

Every New Year there is a flurry of activity as people set a whole slew of goals (calling them resolutions). Gyms are flooded with new (or returning) members, health food aisles suddenly become popular, bookstores may find themselves selling out their stock of self-improvement titles. Of course, usually by the middle of February, life returns to normal.

One of the main problems is that people set their sights too high, either with too many goals or with goals too broadly defined (making them seemingly insurmountable). John Richardson over at Success Begins Today proposes a new approach to this process of resolutions. His ideas:

• Write down your goals - This makes them more concrete and easier to verify at the end of the time period you give yourself.
• Limit yourself - Start with one goal at a time because this makes it easier to achieve and keep track of your progress.
• Give yourself time - It is commonly believed that most things take 21 days of consistent repetition to become a habit so give yourself a month for each goal.
• Build on past success - Increment your goals on top of each other, so when you achieve one, add a second one and work on them both.

What does this add up to? He suggests 12 habits in 1 year. You start by writing down one thing you would like to accomplish, making sure it is small enough to be manageable but big enough to be a challenge. For the first month, focus on reaching that goal. Do something every day or week toward it. At the end of the month, if you have been consistent, you would have established it as a habit. Then add your second goal and spend the second month focusing on developing that habit while maintaining the one from the first month. Keep that up for 12 months and by the end of the year you will have accomplished your goals by making them habits in your life. Sounds doable to me.

Michael Gelb’s “How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci” is another book that I have had for a long time and read several times. It goes through some so-called “da vincian” principles that when applied to life and learning may help you to lead a genius life. (nice thought, eh?) Whether they do that for you or not, there is no denying that your life could be made infintely more interesting by trying them out.

Curiosità - An insatiably curious approach to life and an unrelenting quest for continuous learning. Strengthen and develop your natural curiosity and reawaken the childlike openness that can bring more truth and beauty to your life every day.

Dimostrazione - A commitment to test knowledge through experience, persistence, and a willingness to learn from mistakes. Strengthen your ability to learn from experience and cut through information overload, and you’ll cultivate a positive attitude to learning from mistakes.

Sensazione - The continual refinement of the senses, especially sight, as the means to enliven experience. Sharpen your senses and your appreciation for the beauty of creation and you will enhance your enjoyment of music, art, food, wine, and life itself.

Sfumato - A willingness to embrace ambiguity, paradox, and uncertainty. Strengthen your comfort with ambiguity and learn to smile as you deal with uncertainty by cultivating your intuitive powers will give you the ability to remain centered and balanced.

Arte/Scienza - The development of the balance between science and art, logic and imagination; whole- brain thinking. By practising whole-brain thinking, you will use the linear, logical, analytical capacities of your mind in harmony with the more imaginative, colorful, and playful elements.

Corporalita - The cultivation of grace, ambidexterity, fitness, and poise. Developing a “mind-body connection” will provide you with an approach to health and well-being that can dramatically improve the quality of your life.

Connessione - A recognition of and appreciation for the interconnectedness of all things and phenomena; systems thinking. Everything connects to everything else and learning to look at your life vision, values and goals from this holistic perspective will help you integrate your highest aspirations into your life everyday.

It seems that very often our plans for ourselves are based on these future fantasies of what our life would be like if certain things change. There’s a lot of “If Only”s (if only I were… not single, thinner, famous, richer…) or it’s close cousin “One Day” (One day when I have a house, have a family, love my job…).

If we sit down and look inside ourselves, some of these fantasy wishes are more about how we think we will feel when we have these things. If we were famous we would feel more important, if we were thinner we would feel more beautiful, if we were not single we would feel loved.

If you manage to identify a feeling that you are after, take a look at your life now and see what things currently give you that feeling and incorporate more of them into your life. Or see what you can come up with that would also give you that feeling and work on bringing it into your life that way.

When you start to do this, you will be able to enjoy your life now, in the present and stop focusing on what needs to change before you can be happy. Once you become happier, it’s just possible that you will be that much closer to your ideal life.

…thinks I’m beautiful
…talks to me all night
…smiles when he sees me
…lies with me in his arms
…sings silly songs with me
…wants to hug me every day
…watches cartoons at night
…holds my hand in his
…dances like noone cares
…reads beside me in bed
…kisses me every time we meet
…loves me with all his heart

Reminder:
Wishlist: Part II
Wishlist: Part I

You’ll never find, as long as you live
Someone who loves you tender like I do
You’ll never find, no matter where you search
Someone who cares about you the way I do

Whoa, I’m not braggin’ on myself, baby
But I’m the one who loves you
And there’s no one else, noone else

You’ll never find, it’ll take the end of all time
Someone to understand you like I do
You’ll never find the rhythm, the rhyme
All the magic we shared, just us two

Whoa, I’m not tryin’ to make you stay, baby
But I know some how, some day, some way
You’re gonna miss my lovin’
You’re gonna miss, you’re gonna miss my love

Whoa, oh you’re gonna miss my lovin’
Late in the midnight hour, baby, you’re gonna miss my lovin’
When it’s cold outside, you’re gonna miss my lovin’
You’re gonna miss, you’re gonna miss my love

You’ll never find another love like mine
Someone who needs you like I do
You’ll never see what you’ve found in me
You’ll keep searching and searching your whole life through
Whoa, I don’t wish you no bad luck, baby
But there’s no ifs and buts or maybes

You’re gonna miss my lovin’
You’re gonna miss my lovin’
I know you’re gonna miss my lovin’
You’re gonna miss, you’re gonna miss my love

As the new year begins, there is a lot of talk of what changes to make this year. For many people it is a time to put renewed effort into relationships. Unfortunately we too often let them lapse, leaving them under-nourished until they starve and fall away. This only gets noticed at the end when you look around and realize that some of the people you held close are no longer there.

Like many others around me I am trying to be a better friend. So here is my open letter to the people in my life:

• To my good friends:
  You have entered my life and made a difference. You have helped me in my times of need, as I have helped you. We have laughed and cried together and learnt more with every experience. Let us continue on this path, growing in our love for each other.
• To my old friends:
  We have loved each other for so long and shared so much that I cannot imagine life without you in it. Our familiarity leads us to take the friendship for granted, assuming it will always be there no matter what. While we will always be connected, there is so much more we could be for each other. Let us strive to build on what we have, share more time, develop our interests so that we can truly be friends in every sense of the word.
• To my new friends:
  Life has brought us together, to take us where is still yet to be seen. Before you go on, you need to know one thing about being friends with me - it is a serious commitment. I don’t walk away from good friends. Be prepared for living, loving, laughing, sharing, talking, liming, crying, hugging and all the other good stuff that makes a friendship.
• To my lost friends:
  We came together for a season, before being drawn apart by life, others, ourselves. Know that I miss you and I still think of the good times. I don’t know if our friendship will recover to its previous glory. It may not be possible. But I am always there for you if you need me. You will always have a friend in me.
• To my renewed friends:
  What I once thought was lost has been brought back into my life. Through our joint efforts we will return to the days when we were friends. We must not dwell however on the past and what went wrong or how we parted. Let us keep looking forward, with our eyes towards the times we will share, the talks we will have.
• To my future friends:
  My heart is huge and always has room for more. Don’t hold back if you feel we can be friends. The worst that will happen if we try is we will have touched each other’s life for a moment before moving on. The best case scenario has us becoming lifelong friends, soulmates even.

Amazing words to go forward with in the new year:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we un-consciously give other people permission to do the same. As we feel liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

– Marianne Williamson, “A Return to Love”

(often mistakenly attributed to Nelson Mandela)

See if you can make 2006 your best year ever!!

January: Catharsis - Saying goodbye to the hurts and burdens of 2004
February: Solitude - Bitter gathering of the like souls
March: Progress - Leaving behind a trying circumstance
April: Culmination - Tying up the ends of a long journey
May: Tabula rasa - Start of uncertain future
June: Pressure - Weight of my choices
July: Trauma - Important losses
August: Return - Familiar places, faces and thoughts
September: Reminiscence - Fond memories and old friends
October: Retrospect - Looking back to move forward
November: Rollercoaster - Celebrations and tribulations
December: Cyclical - New beginnings, old endings

Final tally:

• Boyfriends: 0
• Heartbreaks: 1
• Jobs held: 1
• New paths followed: 1
• Places called home: 2
• Months spent away: 3
• Goodbye letters: 3

Here’s to bigger and better things, more happiness and dreams fulfilled in 2006. Happy New Year!!