I can remember having fights with my sister (not physical necessarily) as a child. These would inevitably conclude with us dividing the available territory (i.e. the entire house) into 2 war zones. Each of us would get one side to control - the other was not allowed to cross over. Of course, then you would have an argument over how to divide the house because both of us wanted to ensure we had access to the kitchen, TV and bathrooms. Luckily, these disputes were often over before the next meal.

As people grow up, so do their conflicts - to a point. The source of the dispute may be more grownup (not fighting over toys and dolls) but very often the result reflects our childhood tendencies to divide and exclude. Think of the married couple cliche of “sleeping on the couch”. It comes back to “this is my territory and you are not allowed”.

As children, as harsh as it seemed at first, it was always over in no time, partly because it was also really difficult to live in a house with someone and maintain that sort of enemy silence. As an adult, it may depend on the level of feeling left, how much you care for the person. If you care a whole lot about someone then it is usually pretty difficult to cut them off for an extended period of time. Very often, that silence is a sign of where things are headed.

Of course, this is not to say that people don’t do this. Roommates who live for months without speaking. Couples that go for days at a time acting like strangers. What this actually boils down to is an attempt to “spite them” by taking away something they care about. So for most couples removing the regular interaction is a way to “take away their toy”.

This sort of emotional blackmail is extremely unhealthy for a relationship, and in fact forms part of emotional abuse. So what seems like a game as a child turns into something far more sinister, even though most adults don’t think the are being abusive by doing it. They think they are just passively reacting to what is bothering them while in fact they are using guilt, fear, or even the victims caring feelings towards them to manipulate situations.

So my advice, be careful when you do the “silent treatment”. Make sure you know why you are doing it. If you are simply not talking because you are too angry right now, and will talk when you’re ready, that can work. If you are trying to deal with stuff in your own introspective way, then that too is reasonable if your S.O. understands what’s up. The danger is when it becomes I’m not going to talk to you until you do X. That is when you have crossed over and are treading on shaky ground. And then you maybe need to think about what happens your “victim” walks away.