I observed an incident recently where a friend of mine insisted on leaving a venue because of a negative interaction with someone he barely knew. This, despite the fact that he was having fun previously. He was so upset about what had happened that he needed to get out and even declared he would never go back.

When my friend calmed down, he commented that he wasn’t sure why he was “giving them his power”. I liked the phrase and it made me think about how reactive and emotional people can be, so much so that they effectively give away their power. The power they have to control their reactions to a situation, the power they have to control their behaviour and their actions, is removed from their hands. 

Instead of being the one in control, they hand over that control because they are upset, angry, offended, etc. They give this person, who, very often, has no real interest in their life, a power they should be holding dear. Sometimes a stranger they may never see again has created an impact in their life that may go beyond that single incident (for who knows what turn their life could have taken had they chosen to stay where they were).

It made for interesting thinking. As I continue to observe people, I now add to my list of queries “Who has their power?”

This morning my alarm clock went off at 4:30 a.m. ‘A tad early’, you might be thinking. And I definitely agree, in fact I went back to sleep for half an hour. When I awoke for the second time, it was still pitch black outside. This time, however, I got up and prepared myself. I left the house shortly after, noting the cool darkness and contemplating whether I should have waited till summer to attempt this when at least the sun would be up at that hour.

Where was I going before sunrise? This morning, I started swimming again. That’s right. I went to the pool where my long time coach greeted me warmly. And off I went to attempt to get through 1000m. A mere 1000m that in years gone by I could have knocked out as an individual event (actually my events were 800m and 1500m back then). 

My strategy each time I pushed off the wall (no diving, cause I had no energy to climb out once I started) - I channeled a bit of Dory from “Finding Nemo”. My silent mantra was “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” I just tried to keep moving once I started (even if the pace was that of a water-mobile snail.

Though I prepared myself for an hour of swimming, I was headed home by 6:15 a.m. I got through a total of 1100m (the last 100m being a cool-down). I felt better than I thought I would though I was totally exhausted with pains in muscles I forgot existed. I also came away with a benchmark to measure my progress as the last (official) 100m was “on the clock”, meaning it was timed. I won’t disclose it here but suffice it to say that I have a long way to go before my times are presentable (it was under 2 minutes though).

The plan for now is for this to continue once a week. So next Friday I will be back (hopefully fully recovered by then). The plan for today? More sleep.

Trust is a sticky issue in relationships, not just with couples but between friends as well. Opening yourself to someone leaves you open to the risk of being hurt. Self-preservation instincts would suggest that this is a path not to be taken but trust is the mechanism that gets us to that point. We place our trust in people to not do us harm.

Of course, people deal with trust in different ways. Some people refuse to trust someone until they have proven themselves through increasingly significant gestures, and then once they have seen enough proof that this person is not “out to get them” they will trust them. Others offer trust openly from the beginning but then observe how that responsibility is handled to determine whether to keep extending trust. 

If you know me, then you should know into which group I fall. 

There is of course the stickier issue of how to handle interactions once the trust is betrayed. The two groups described above will often both react badly either feeling vindicated that noone should be trusted or feeling devastated that their trust was misplaced. But either way a decision has to be made as to how to recover from that. Trusting noone ever again is a recourse taken by some but leaves you feeling disconnected from the world. 

I will offer second chances but the trust has to be earned slowly, starting with little things that don’t matter. And then maybe one day, we can be friends again.

Weddings are incredible events. Watching two people publicly commit themselves to each other for a lifetime has a powerful impact. That two people could love each other so much that they want to be there with each other for the rest of their lives always restores a little faith in the power of love in this the age of divorce. 

But even more interesting is seeing the bond that occurs between the two families, previously strangers, brought together by these two individuals. Two families that may be very different in their backgrounds, beliefs, cultures, now joined forever by this love shared by their relatives. 

This weekend I went to the wedding of my cousin. His new wife is Haitian, a beautiful girl in looks and spirit. I watched as these two families came together - Jamaican and Haitian. His side mostly early for the wedding, her side, mostly late. His side yammering on in English and Jamaican patois, her side in French and Haitian Creole. At the reception, his side watched as the Haitians danced to copa (apparently like Haitian soca), then took over when some reggae played. 

But the next morning, over breakfast, everyone greeted as though we were long lost relatives. Hugs and kisses rained as the family naturally expanded to contain these former strangers. This new family will see each other again at future christenings, birthdays, weddings and funerals though they might never have met under normal circumstances. 

So weddings are a time of creation, not just of the new family nucleus that is the bride and groom as they start their life together. But also of this larger family that combines all the history and culture of two different worlds.

Congrats, Philip and Joanne!!

I spotted this article a few months ago on MarcandAngel. It takes a look at the defining characteristics of a true adult.

It is a interesting list. It moves away from the age-related adulthood that most people think of, and instead lists features of emotional maturity deemed necessary for an adult to possess. 

Of course, saying that one has to have all the items on this list would definitely rule out some people that I know. Take a look and see just how adult you are.

1. Realizing that maturity is an ongoing process, not a state, and continuously striving for self improvement.
2. Able to manage personal jealousy and feelings of envy.
3. Has the ability to listen to and evaluate the viewpoints of others.
4. Maintains patience and flexibility on a daily basis.
5. Accepts the fact that you can’t always win, and learns from mistakes instead of whining about the outcome.
6. Does not overanalyze negative points, but instead looks for the positive points in the subject being analyzed.
7. Is able to differentiate between rational decision making and emotional impulse.
8. Understands that no skill or talent can overshadow the act of preparation.
9. Capable of managing temper and anger.
10. Keeps other people’s feeling in mind and limits selfishness.
11. Being able to distinguish between ‘needs’ and ‘wants’.
12. Shows confidence without being overly arrogant.
13. Handles pressure with self composure.
14. Takes ownership and responsibility of personal actions.
15. Manages personal fears.
16. Able to see the various shades of grey between the extremes of black and white in every situation.
17. Accepts negative feedback as a tool for self improvement.
18. Aware of personal insecurities and self-esteem.
19. Able to separate true love from transitory infatuation.
20. Understanding that open communication is the key to progression.