From: Wife
Dear Husband,
In the event that you deem it necessary to the operation of your business to retain the services of a “personal assistant”, please be advised that such an arrangement will only be deemed reasonable and appropriate if executed in accordance with the following conditions:
- Prior to engagement of said person, the need for the services and the specific tasks to be undertaken will be discussed and negotiated with Wife.
- Any such services shall be restricted to the hours of operation of your business for the day (i.e. determined by Husband’s required presence at known work locations or between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. if Husband not scheduled to work).
- Under no circumstances will “assistant” be used to contact Wife to schedule an “appointment” with Husband. Nor will Wife be expected to contact “assistant” to determine availability and schedule an “appointment”.
- In the rare event that the use of Wife’s vehicle is required for your business operation, under no circumstances shall this “assistant” be given permission to drive said vehicle, with or without (especially without) the presence of Husband.
- This “assistant” will not be used to complete any of Wife’s personal errands unless under specific request of Wife.
- Any circumstances that will require the unaccompanied presence of Husband and “assistant” for an extended period of time, in a location not typically included* under known work locations, MUST be indicated to Wife prior to occurence. If this is not possible for some reason (e.g. catastrophic destruction of communications network), then the event must be reported to Wife within eight (8) hours or within fifteen (15) minutes of next communication with Wife, whichever is less.
*N.B. This includes but is not limited to private residences, long road trips, environments external to business operations.
- Under no circumstances will “assistant” be allowed to purchase items for the home (including but not limited to sheets and towels).
- Under no circumstances will Husband accept any gift from “assistant” worth more than J$500 or the cost of a meal and a drink.
- In the event that any additional personal services are required that involve physical contact (e.g. massage), such arrangements will be made with a third party selected by Wife.
This “assistant” will not meet any of the following preexisting exclusionary conditions:
- Be a prior sexual partner.
- Be an ex from a previous relationship.
- Be the subject of Husband’s crush.
- Be coming out of a recent breakup.
- Have demonstrated any attraction to Husband in any form (physical, emotional etc.).
Termination of the aforementioned services will be expected with immediate effect upon violation of any of the conditions listed above. Development of any of the applicable exclusionary conditions shall also be grounds for dismissal.
Yours Sincerely,
Wife
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Originally posted as a Facebook note