Even though I did
what only a few others could
Even though it worked out
in the end as I knew it would
Even though I was here
with nowhere else to go
Even though it seemed easy
for me to keep giving a show
Even though it was stress
not knowing what would come next
Even though it was pain
putting my wrists to the test
Even though I loved
belonging to all and everywhere
Even though I hated
feeling like part of nowhere
Even though it was tiring
to use up my days off
Even though I reminded
myself that this is what I love
Even though I offered
to turn into a work horse
Even though I was warned
I’d be taken for granted of course
Even though noone thought
to say thanks for giving in my own way
Even though I’m saying it to me
I thought that I’d still say

You’re welcome

Want to really sock it to a procrastinator? Use their tactics against them.

1. Get them to ask you to do something important.
2. Forget to do it.
3. When they remind you, admit you forgot and promise to get it done immediately.
4. Tell them it’s done.
5. When they subsequently point out it’s still not done admit you delegated it to someone else who messed up and promise to get it done immediately.
6. Come up with several reasons why your doing it would not have worked before and remind them you’re doing them a favour.
7. Tell them it’s done.
8. When they still don’t get the desired results, give them the information to check for themselves to see that it’s done.
9. Remind them that it was done.
10. When they ask you to help get the needed results, tell them you have spent enough time on this already and cannot do anything more.

So went my attempt to get an academic reference.

I had a plan. The plan would get me closer to a dream. Unfortunately parts of that plan lay outside my control, and therein lay the failure of the plan.

Now it has come down to it and those with the control have laid aside my plan. So I need a new plan. With a new plan comes a new timetable unless I am prepared to put aside other dreams in order to make the plan work.

So it’s decision time. Do I sacrifice multiple dreams in search of one? Do I throw aside other plans to make this one happen? Do I start from scratch on two paths or just stick to one?

Sigh. If only those with the control believed in the plan. Then all could go as planned.

Truth be told, I want my milk! And I will cry if I want to!

This post at Put Things Off entitled ‘Find Your Love Today‘ outlined a whole strategy for how to find what you love in life. One of the most useful parts was the section on how to figure out if you’ve actually found your calling. This is the part that gets us, we don’t know if we have arrived at our destination yet. So for you confused folks out there:

1. You can’t stop talking about it. People who have found their calling just can’t shut up about it.
2. You love getting up in the morning. When you’ve found your calling, the thought of getting up to start work is often great!
3. You don’t feel as stressed. Being happy in your job can have a dramatic effect on your health and well-being.
4. You can see yourself doing the same thing in 3 years time. This is the real test. If you can imagine that you’re still doing what you’re doing now in another few years and you’re still happy you might have found your true calling.
5. It makes you smile. It’s basic but smiling more can be a sign that you’re settling into something you love.

I always enjoyed writing. As a child, I guess I would write stories, not that I can find evidence of them. Maybe my mother has them locked up with other remnants of my childhood.

One of the challenges for me has been hearing my words read out loud. So much so that I made it a task on my list of 101 things to do – read a poem I wrote out loud. Some of it I suppose stems from an incident in 2nd form when having written what was an extremely emotional piece for me (a search through a forest for a specific tree representing my friend who died over the summer). After reading it out loud in class, my teacher, who I had liked just fine up until that point, dismissed it saying the metaphor was too cliched. I said nothing and sat down. But that was it for me. I refused to read my stuff out loud after that.

The truth is for a long time, anything I wrote remained very private. Then I started blogging and found that knowing that people were reading my words encouraged me to write even more.

Last night I had the unique experience of hearing words that came from my head not just read out loud but put to music and sung. I sat in a studio as music was created around my words, and they came alive, bringing with them emotion to people other than me.

Words are truly a big part of who I am. I love to read them, write them, speak them. They are so powerful and can capture so much emotion and meaning, both good and bad, kind and hurtful. Last night I got to see my words move through music and I was moved. To what? I am not sure.