The concept of life’s roller coaster is such a cliche but really captures the reality of the human emotional landscape at times. Needless to say, I found myself strapped in and hurtling at full speed on this crazy ride.

The last month has revealed so much to me about life, people, relationships, honesty, friendship, character, sexuality, … I suppose I will eventually write about some of it, even in abstraction (as I am wont to do). For now, just know that I haven’t jumped off yet. I’m hunkering down, seat belt still fastened, clutching onto the safety bar for dear life and staying the course.

If, in the last month, you have

given me a hug when I was needy
held my hand when it was empty
offered kind words when I was down
helped me when I couldn’t manage
looked at me when I felt invisible
found a way to make me smile

you may not have realized how much it meant. You have probably helped me to hold it together by plugging a seemingly miniscule crack (remember that story with the little boy and the leak in the dike?).

I shouldn’t have done it,
But now I know
That simple missteps
Cause lies to grow 

It is amazing to me the power that some people think they possess – that their opinions have the ability to shape all circumstances. They feel that by saying what they think, they can bring it into being.

I’m all for the school of “believe it and you can achieve it”, “build it and they will come” and even some amount of “think it into being” (in measured doses). But, when merely expressing an opinion about a scenario long past, don’t be misguided into thinking that you can change the outcome. What happened has already happened and cannot be changed. Whether you believe the occurence to be true or not is competely irrelevant.

In some cases, the truth may be a simple black or white, true or not. In cases like those, arguing about whether you believe it to be true is a waste of time and energy (especially mine if you try to draw me into it). I may have an opinion but often I will keep it to myself until the truth is revealed. If I was wrong I will say I was wrong, and if I was right, I will resist the ‘I told you so’ urge. But I have enough sense to know that my opinion on some things is my business.

An interesting talent people seem to have is the ability to assume understanding. Repeatedly, I have seen people leap to the defence of someone or a definable group on the sole basis that they think they understand where they’re coming from. Even without specific knowledge of the situation, they feel a kinship, especially if there are some similarities (no matter how tenuous) to circumstances they have experienced.

A father separated from his child wholeheartedly supporting all fathers deserving unlimited access to their child, with no recognition for the fact that because he is a good father does not mean that all men are. A employee unjustly terminated feeling that all employers are sent from hell to torture employees with no consideration of the existence of employees who are dishonest, unproductive or generally disruptive. A woman who has been heartbroken one time too many feeling that all men deserve to be manipulated and walked over. These people will watch a scenario from outside and assume that because they experienced a particular circumstance, their experiences hold true in every other scenario.

One of the lessons we must learn in life is how to remove judgement without knowledge. It is unfair to make generalisations because every situation will have some unique characteristics. If you don’t know the details of a situation, your opinion is irrelevant. People make their decisions based on their own truth, which we must recognize may be different to ours.

Censorship kills creativity.

From: Wife

Dear Husband,

In the event that you deem it necessary to the operation of your business to retain the services of a “personal assistant”, please be advised that such an arrangement will only be deemed reasonable and appropriate if executed in accordance with the following conditions:

1. Prior to engagement of said person, the need for the services and the specific tasks to be undertaken will be discussed and negotiated with Wife.
2. Any such services shall be restricted to the hours of operation of your business for the day (i.e. determined by Husband’s required presence at known work locations or between 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. if Husband not scheduled to work).
3. Under no circumstances will “assistant” be used to contact Wife to schedule an “appointment” with Husband. Nor will Wife be expected to contact “assistant” to determine availability and schedule an “appointment”.
4. In the rare event that the use of Wife’s vehicle is required for your business operation, under no circumstances shall this “assistant” be given permission to drive said vehicle, with or without (especially without) the presence of Husband.
5. This “assistant” will not be used to complete any of Wife’s personal errands unless under specific request of Wife.
6. Any circumstances that will require the unaccompanied presence of Husband and “assistant” for an extended period of time, in a location not typically included* under known work locations, MUST be indicated to Wife prior to occurence. If this is not possible for some reason (e.g. catastrophic destruction of communications network), then the event must be reported to Wife within eight (8) hours or within fifteen (15) minutes of next communication with Wife, whichever is less.

   *N.B. This includes but is not limited to private residences, long road trips, environments external to business operations.

7. Under no circumstances will “assistant” be allowed to purchase items for the home (including but not limited to sheets and towels).
8. Under no circumstances will Husband accept any gift from “assistant” worth more than J$500 or the cost of a meal and a drink.
9. In the event that any additional personal services are required that involve physical contact (e.g. massage), such arrangements will be made with a third party selected by Wife.

This “assistant” will not meet any of the following preexisting exclusionary conditions:

• Be a prior sexual partner.
• Be an ex from a previous relationship.
• Be the subject of Husband’s crush.
• Be coming out of a recent breakup.
• Have demonstrated any attraction to Husband in any form (physical, emotional etc.).

Termination of the aforementioned services will be expected with immediate effect upon violation of any of the conditions listed above. Development of any of the applicable exclusionary conditions shall also be grounds for dismissal. 

Yours Sincerely,
Wife

—————————————————————————————————————————

Originally posted as a Facebook note

“There’s no better way to create your own prosperity than to engage yourself in something you are passionate about — and that serves others in the process.”

A camera is a tool for capturing images. Those images can be many things – frozen moments in time, representations of reality, a singular perspective. From the days when sitting for a photograph took hours, to our present day world of instant gratification, photographs are a huge part of our lives.

To me, photographs are part memory holder, part souvenir, part record-keepr, part artistic endeavour… Through them I can reflect on the past, places I have been, people I have shared my life with, things I saw or felt and thought worth trying to capture.

The most memorable times in my life have been recorded faithfully. A year spent in Europe resulted in a detailed album with annotations and captions. So what does it mean when there are gaps in my photographic record? When I feel down, I tend not to record anything. Those periods are reflected only in the images taken by others, if Ishow up at all. This is understandable.

But what about those times when I was gloriously, deliriously happy, but have no pictures of that time? The absence of images makes it seem like a hazy memory, almost as if I imagined the whole thing. How is it that having pictures, even one photograph can make an experience seem all the more real? As though I need proof that I was really there.

Maybe that is also why sometimes, when I get into a dark mood, I feel inclined (though I try really hard to not succumb) to destroy photographs. As if that simple act can clear my head, erase memories I wish I didn’t have, remove all trace of a painful experience.

But when the day comes that I can look back without pain, I often wish I did have that little glossy rectangle, its two dimensions conjuring up emotions and feelings from a mysterious intangible place.

You can close your eyes to what you don’t want to see;
But you can’t close your heart to what you don’t want to feel.

- A very profound Facebook status from a friend

New strategy for all censored thoughts (and yes, I do self-censor a lot!!). I will use this to vent. I will write down stuff everytime I think something that is “unnecessary”, “disrespectful” or “offensive”. 

So, as per my rules (in previous post), if you said something to me and I did not respond, I probably decided against saying whatever I wanted to, and it will probably show up here. Bear in mind the thoughts will not be half as polite as if I did say them to you. And I will not apologize for any of them. 

First round will be some saved up things I have been dying to say and have been gracious enough to keep to myself:

• Why don’t you just go home if you want to study. You’re taking up space and air.
• Cut the f***ing whispering like you’re a couple of kids.
• I think you look silly with your hair like that.
• Geez, let her pass just once without you having to say something.
• Need a crowbar to pry that batty and bench apart.

If you think I am talking about you, and feel hurt or offended that I even thought such a thing, well, … GET THE F*** OVER IT!!!

If you do think I am talking about you, and have the strength and courage and fortitude to ask me about it (since it seems I am the scariest bitch on earth), then feel free. I welcome the opportunity for open and honest communication with grownups. And trust me, my words have never killed (or even maimed) anyone yet.