The celebration of the new year always brings on intense periods of planning and resolutions. In a most symmetrical fashion, the end of the old year often spurs people to reflect on the year gone by. Out with the old and in with the new. Right?

Well my reflection is on old and new. This year has been a strange one for me. In the course of this one year, just twelve months, I managed to 

• rediscover my old self and learn about my new self
• toss aside old habits and pick up new ones
• leave an old career to start a new one
• return to old sports while trying new hobbies
• connect with an old friend who became a new friend
• face old love and seek new love

So even before the new year starts I already have a lot of new things in my life to deal with, most of them unplanned, most unexpected. 

2009 is looking to be an interesting year. It will be a year filled with challenges from day one. It will be a year where the old carries forward to hold up the new. It will likely be a year when I learn new things while learning from the old. It will be a year of change, and constancy. It will be a year of tearing down and building up. It will be a year of testing new capabilities and a year of perfecting old skills. It will be a year of new friends, thoughts, experiences to add to old relationships, ideas and memories.

If I were going to pack away 2008 into a box under my bed, I would carefully save the pain, hurt, sorrow, loneliness, all the things from which I learnt important lessons. They can be locked away, only taken out when necessary to remind me of something Idon’t want to forget. Out on my shelves I would place all the smiles, laughters, hugs, kisses, joy, excitement, memories. That way I can look around me everyday and remember all the good that was 2008.

Happy Old Year and Happy New Year!

Going through life, we encounter all sorts of people. Some of them share nothing in common with us other than being in the same place at that moment, and we will often pass them by without either of us leaving a mark on the other. All the rest will have varying degrees of similarity. 

I have met a few people in my life who I feel drawn to, so similar are they to me in their way of thinking, their ways of expressing themselves, their interests, their beliefs. Yet, despite all we share, the nature of the relationship between us is often determined or guided by other factors.

In some cases, there is one significant difference of opinion that will forever separate us. Its significance lies in the very importance of the belief to each of us. Though not impossible to surmount, we may never be able to look past this obstacle, to reach the point where an unconditional love can bond us. 

In other cases, the sheer volume of similarities is itself the barrier that makes it difficult to become closer. The shared experiences stand between us holding us apart from each other because maybe we know too much. Perhaps it is a fear to hurt or get hurt because with knowledge comes power and someone who knows you as well as they know themselves has more power than even they may know.

Between the two, there are varying levels of friendship and companionship that may work or not for any number of reasons. I look forward to finding more similarities and differences around me, whether they develop into something or not.

Golden fingers
Reach across the sky
The pale light
Heralding the morn
The new day
Washes away the night
A soft smile
Grows with the dawn
A knowing gaze
As hearts soar in flight
For today
The rest of our lives is born

Note: I had written this back in 2007, only just realized that it had never made it onto my blog.

It what seems like a remarkably short time, an adventure has ended. The company I went to work for back in April, in a field I’d been trying to get into for a couple years, has reached the end of the line. Tomorrow marks our last official day of operation.

I have spent the last two weeks packing boxes, clearing shelves, emptying desks, cleaning up computers, taking inventory and pricing our belongings. Each morning I had to leave my house to go say goodbye. Each day I had to bravely smile as we informed partners, investors, creditors, customers, fans that this was it. Pretending that it was ok, I had to be the one consoling them with the platitudes that these things happen, it’s just the natural course. Reassuring each caller that we would be back in a flash if only…

But underneath it all, the optimism has waned. The recognition that dreams can die if not nourished economically has forced home more than the idea of a business needing capital. The practical realities of our society provides explanation for all the ?-at-hearts I see around me - the techie who wants to be a photographer, the doctor who would rather be playing music. 

So where does it leave me? Without even a clear idea of what I want to be, I am adrift again. Terrified that it will take me that long again to convince someone that what I know I can contribute is worth paying for, worth supporting, I have to start again. 

Sigh.

I realized something recently about my relationship with my writing. Looking back at things I have written on this blog there are a few types of things I write. There are those that are deeply personal and pretty private, which are really written for me. There are those that are not so private but are just my own ramblings to myself. And last, there are the things I write to an invisible audience.

In all cases, I find myself pressing that “Publish” button and sending those thoughts out into the mysterious void. Even those intended for an audience of sorts, I have no idea whether they will be read. Unless you comment I don’t know who exactly has read something I wrote or what they think about it. 

What I realized is that, the things I write for myself are placed here with everything else because I find it strangely liberating to send my thoughts out to fly on their own. Tossing them out of the nest, so to speak, gives me a feeling of freedom. No longer are the thoughts that were previously tossing around in my head locked up inside with their own echo. Instead they are out in the open.

Maybe they will be read by hundreds or thousands (yeah, right), by a small handful (more likely), or even noone. Maybe they will inspire hope, thought, laughter, fear, scorn, pity, wonder, curiosity… Maybe they will have no effect on anyone at all.

But the words that I release are now free to do something other than torture me from the inside.